How many more jumps?

Delaqroux Inc Updates!
It's 3am and i am still playing around with my new adorable phone and also doing random stuffs on facebook and blogger. So another tranquil night, another self-reflection session. Why not, right?

I recall one time ago when i watched a motivational talk on TV and the speaker told the viewers a secret to happy living, which is simply; stay away from anything that hurts you (Gosh.. can a motivator get any more smug-y than that? I hate motivators). Also, there was this one dick.. i mean, motivator giving some motivational speech awhile ago during one of those insignificant personality development courses i attended which cited the infamous.. something theory. Cant remember what exactly is that theory but it's pretty much built on the foundation of "what may go wrong will go wrong". Again, basically, it's the same "stay away from things that can hurt you if you want a happy life".

That made me think; is there such thing as a pain-free happy life?

Yeah, some other dude said something about "no pain, no gain" right? So what's a little prick everynow and then before you really get to enjoy the good stuffs in life. But then again, i kept losing myself in real complicated situations that i'm starting to think that there is no happy life, there is no pain-free life, and there are simply too many inevitable things that will constantly hurt you. I'm not putting this in a very pessimistic perspective mind you. It's just that, in layman's language, i've been through a whole lot of crappy stuff that i'm actually believing that there's no such thing as a pain-free way or a happy way out. It's just life. Short, sophisticated and shitty. It's like you're getting to the top floor of a building, you give up half way, you climb out the window and you jump down, only to find yourself still alive once you hit the ground, having to restart all over. There's no pain free way and there's no quick exits either. It's just a whole long shitty climb up and a stretch of endurance test.

Speaking of falling flat and still not dying, i have found myself doing things that will hurt myself plenty of times in my life. I made choices that seem promising, only to find out there's none of that sort. Afterwards, i found myself terribly hurt, i gave up, i tried to 'kill myself'. The result to that is just me falling flat on the ground again, still alive, and having to start all over again. Finally, i made another near-similar choice of self pain infliction once again and the cycle recontinues. I dunno. Sometimes, i think this pain i'm having might actually take me to a better place where nobody else ever manage to reach. Sometimes, i think i'm just a stupid risk taker that's going no where. At other times, i think it's not that the bad choices i made that it's causing me the pain, it's the whole word that's effing up with me. Hell, the choice might not even be a bad one in the first place at all.

Til then, this is just me randomly rambling about part of my life which is significant yet them details mustnt be told to anyone that i have to type in an all emo metaphorical language. wtf.
Delaqroux Out.

Moving out.. shit-ness

Delaqroux Inc Updates
I know this may sound really really sad but i dont have anyone to talk with at the moment so i turned to something all emo bloggers would turn to at the moment of emo-ness; their blogs. Yeah, this is about the designation of my hostel in my college and it sucks big time.

For one, there was a time when i realized that we're not allowed to choose our own housemates. That was still a lil okay as i thought, as long as they have us under one roof (it's an apartment so "under one roof" consist of quite aplenty of houses and rooms) it shouldnt really matter if we're just a stone throw away from one another. Then i found out that my name wasnt on the list of residence. It sucked a tad coz i was really nervous to found out where i will be staying at when most of my mates already have. But again, as long as we're all under one roof, it shouldnt really matter. Then finally, the list was updated and i was not even under the same roof. Shit-ness.

In fact, i'm designated in a room three blocks away with complete strangers as housemates and roomies. Now, i dont mind having strangers as roomies (had strangers for my housemates for almost a year in Sydney last time) but my conscience is telling me that i should not be living there. So, being as polite as i can, i requested a transfer to a more familiar sanctuary. Request denied. I'm stuck there. Now that sucked but what sucked harder is the fact that my gut cant stop telling me that, like George Lucas's movie scripts, "there's a bad feeling about this". I rather trust my gut after several experiences and yeah, what else is there left to do but to stay outside?

So yeah, that's the dilemma. If i'll be staying outside, will there still be more rooms for rent? 2011's just around the corner and rooms for rent are running out fast. Plus, all the ads about rooms for rent are only for Muslim girls, Muslim girls and Muslim girls (and they say guys are sexist.. pfft). Shit-ness. And all i want to do in my last year in IPBA is to study in an awesome environment where i'll feel (almost) at home, is that too much to ask?

Delaqroux Out.

If i'll die this time around

Another step taken,

Lost my count,

Stepping up is overrated,

When all else burning down.

Another step taken,

I will start over

Given the chance

If wounds ever recover

Another step taken

Gone are the days

Left behind

When we parted ways

Another step taken

Ongoing staircase

Slow and steady

Needless for haste

Another step taken

Looking down

A leap; we’ll see

If I’ll die,

This time around.

John Smith

Fucking 1^st of November, 2010

Delaqroux Out
p/s: Creative writing shouldnt be associated with being emotionally disturbed and the desire to be heard. Then again, if emotionally disturbed creative writers were listened to, we wont be writing in the first place.