Delaqroux Inc Updates
Been awhile hasnt it? Well, despite being busy, i have just discovered that blogging is a good way for people to track and shoot you down (well, not to say i have just discovered - i know that long time ago). So, for the time being, i'm starting to hate the readers of my blog. Yep, you. If you wanna use my blog to keep track on what i'm doing and make a big fuss out of it then you should know what i'm doing and where i'm at all the time - why dont you just come and see me? Then we can sit down and have a talk... over a cup of tea; in which, of course, i have poisoned it beforehand.
Oh, but for the time being, we cant. that is because...... **drumrolls** DELAQROUX IS LIVE IN NZ!!!
Whoooooooo!!!! **runs around** ok ok.. no big of a deal. seriously. with just a bit of a saving, anyone from aussie can travel to nz (at this point, this just struck me in the head - if we spell australia with OZ aka Aussie.. why dont we spell New Zealand; Enssie?) So, yeah, not to say i'm having the sweetest time of my life right now. I am on a holiday but only from college life. Normal life still goes on and the tendency to have life effing you up while you're at it is still at full-time large. As a matter of fact, yep, stuff happened. And i dont mean the kind of stuff that happened in which you can look back and laugh it. It's those kind of stuff where you look back and feel very, very upset about it... It was one helluva week with a whole lot of stuff going in my head. For one thing, i was annoyed by the fact there were changes in the original plan and no one bothered to tell me about it. Plus, the fact that someone effed up the plan and i wasnt told about it was another pain. But the main icing was the fact that I WASNT TOLD ANYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING and suddenly, voila, i'm just caught in the middle of some crappy moment - this pisses me. Let just sa;, my main reason to be coming to NZ in the first place was about travelling.. but that was then, i realized that it was selfish of me to have that kind of idea when my priority should have actually been to see the people i missed (Yes, self-proclaimed realists out there can say that i am being too nice or i am such a naive guy to believe in the power of friendship whole-heartedly - let's just say; stfu, you've never been in a situation where your life line is only on a balance of only those wanting you to stay alive. Call me naive; i call you pathetic, sad little people who are very, verrry alone.. and i feel sorry for you :p). Now, the fact that things get really messed up and i couldnt be with the people i wanted to spend my time with (but instead trapped with the chance to do all the fun stuff, yet, pretty much all by myself), i'm starting to wonder; why should i even be in NZ then!? That confusion made me very pissed and most regretfully, i upsetted people more than how i thought they have upsetted me in the first place. And it turned out, i am so friggin mad with myself that i stopped thinking about anyone else but just myself, and the fact that i wanted so badly to beat the shit out of myself (is that even normal?) made me gone cuckoo - i even came to a point where i just want to go back in Sydney and never see anyone (yep, anyone) ever again.
Seriously, i dont even know how to explain what happened but it's just been a whole lot of confusion in my head; the fact that i felt (i'm trying my hardest to find a better word but i cant think of any) back-stabbed, the fact that i feel like i front-stabbed people who i really care about, and the fact that i want to stab myself so badly for doing that - it all draw out to a super big mess that i just grow tired thinking of how to organize my point properly in this blog post (yep, that's true). And yeah, to those people involved with that case and reading this blog, i'm really sorry to have caused such a commotion when i ended up with the only idea that i wanted to go back to Sydney. Really sorry too for not having to join your roadtrip. I was totally not in the mood for it. Sure, i laughed throughout my stay but yeah, that's all me denying the fact that i have really big issue on my mind that need to be settled. And the idea of joining the roadtrip and shoving my problems aside with a bigger scale of denial, that will never a good idea. So yeah, that is why i decided to pull myself out of the whole roadtrip plan.
But a lil status update here; no, i wont be going back to Sydney (hehe. sorry for the change of idea too.. i feel like an asshole) The time when the group have left for the roadtrip, i had a little time of my own. The whole idea was so that i can call the Jetstar customer line and get my return flight forwarded to an earlier date. But it turned out that i realized that all i wanted to do (as in the idea of wanting to return back to sydney) was my little dissapointed side telling me that i have had it with doing things for other people - i want to do something selfish just for myself and to please only myself. Despite so many people convincing me to stay, i couldnt help to feel that if i follow their persuasion and stay, i'm doing things for people again - not for myself - and my selfish side will be very pissed for that. But now that i'm alone without anyone else's points to consider, i finally get to hear out what i really, really wanted. The only way for me to entirely please myself is doing something selfish just for myself, and - call me stupid or whatnot; something selfish that i can do and will please myself for it is to stay with the people i care about. Yep, i dont care if i feel backstabbed or what. It's still painful of course but nah, i can take a little bit of pain. I still want to be with them and that's all that matters.
SO yeah, to those people who are reading this and particularly involved with this issue, sorry i have caused such hoo-hah when i decided to not join the roadtrip and planning to return back to sydney. I feel like an emo, attention-seeking sonnovab* but yeah, that's all there is. Sorry to be thinking about and only about myself. I was just confused and the fact that i choose to avoid everything was actually my own call to have a time for myself and think. Now that i've got it and i have faced myself to settled out the issue, i guess i'm up and running again for now. Then again, I do appreciate your concern and persuasion for me to stay.
Buuuuuuut, regardless, i'm not entirely sorry. Part of me is still pissed by the fact that my original plan for having a trip from Auckland to Wellington got screwed up and if i still can get the chance to blow up the people responsible for that, i will still be the one pressing the C4 trigger. So, to those wondering, "so, Darkie, what now? you messed up the chance to go on a roadtrip coz you've been a self-pitying emo/you felt betrayed in took you wayyy too long to heal yourself for the roadtrip.. what's next?" Well, fear not, my dear readers. Who ever said i cant have a roadtrip by myself? Muahahahahhah!! Time to get the engine up and running wild once again! See you in Wellington, bitch3zzz!!!!
