Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Papercut Doll

bored with being insignificant,
trying to do things that counts,
nothing is the same again,
nothing is as good as it sounds.
a promise that i cannot keep,
not coz i cant- rather, i dont want to,
not that it matters if i did,
it's too old - i want something new.

call me please not by my name,
so i wont notice my presence,
or dont ever call my name again,
and let me question my own existence.
fill my bed with gasoline,
light it without me knowing,
because i've told you so,
and leave me there, burnin',
let me keep you warm,
just one last time before i go.

let me feel and be alive once more,
tear me to pieces and my heart apart,
coz i feel dead if you leave me sore,
and i want to go back to where we start.


-The Papercut Doll-
DarkDelaqroux, January 2009

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Angel that sang CNY songs

Delaqroux Inc Updates...

Another random post here. I am supposed to get on with the long delayed January 2009 updates but yeah, the world knows me; i'm one lazy sonnova... Anyways, i'm not in the mood to blog and (as a lil heads-up here) my next post might get alil emo. Hence, i need all the emotionality i can gather within me. Yet again, me, being a mix-of-emotions generator should have no problem getting into the groove of blogging. Only the prob is now, my emo generator seems to be clogged by this something stuck in my head; A Chinese New Year song... and a Chinese lady singing it... sigh....

Well, it started out with some random outing of me back in Selayang when i was lepaking in Selayang Mall (that's all there is to Selayang.. bored; go to Selayang Mall.. need to clear head; go to Selayang Mall.. angry with someone; go to Selayang Mall.. just broke up; go to Selayang Mall.. etc.). After a tiring day of walking, i settled to this seat in front of a souvenir store, put on my earphones and drink my iced cappucino i got from Famous Amos. After awhile, i heard some weird sound through my earphones. I put Metrostation on full blast that time as the Mall's ambience was playing CNY songs (yeah, it can get a lil annoying when you're hearing to "Tong Tong Ciang" the whole day) but it sounded like an extra voice amongst those Metrostation guys singing. Then i realized that it was someone singing to the CNY song. It was then i realized that a Chinese lady is sitting next to me on the same bench and she is actually singing to the CNY song. Well, at first i thought the Chinese lady is a lil cuckoo in the head but then i secretly muted my music to figure out what exactly was that lady singing to. True enough, she's singing along the CNY song but for a moment there; her voice sounds super sweet. She sounded like a CNY singer and one that i have never seen (and in this case; heard) before. Trust me; if people would claim that Angel's singing sounds the sweetest in this whole world; i dont mind making a statement that i have an angel sitting next to me here. And for one thing, she looks angelic too. Short hair with a lil dye of white and white hoodie jacket.. I mean, i have seen Chinese girls wearing all those so-called "Kawaii-ne" type of outfits (yeah, i came up with such term of clothing. It refers to those acting cute way of Japanese-ish modern dressing) but i havent seen one with a voice of an opera singer. Her voice is deep but at the same time cheery at various points of the song... It was a simple CNY song, but she sang it quite in her own way and tune and that makes it so memorable..

Yesh, yesh.. i admit that i do sound despo in this blogpost and trust me; as much as Kayne whines about falling head over heels for Changmin, i guess i pretty much feeling the same way now. I just wish that i had the courage to tell her how beautiful her voice is before she got up and left (DAMNIT!! **smacks on head**). Eventhough she has long left; her voice still echoes in my head. Guess it will be stuck there for quite some time... but heck, i dont mind if it's stuck there forever. Oh well, guess if people are to ask me what is so great about Selayang Mall from now on; i can get to tell them that i was struck by an angel one time ago...

**Puts down "Angelic voice" in the list as a new criteria for finding a girlfriend** :p

Monday, January 26, 2009

Pon Pon Pata Pon!!!


Delaqroux Inc Pon Pon Chaka Chaka!!!!!

Lolz. I have finally finished the Patapon game on my PSP and hell yeah, it's one hell of an epic game. For those who are never aware of the Patapon franchise, well, it is basically a Japanese game made by Japan Studio and Pyramid. Technically, Patapon is a clan of little creatures who can basically be described as little eyeballs with limbs, tribal looking hats and wield barbaric weapons (spears, axes, bows, clubs, halberd... depending on the position you assigned to those creatures).

Usually, girls will be squealing upon the sight of Patapons and their merry little song as they travel from point A to point B of the map. Yeah, they are cute. But wait until you see what these Patapons are able of. Basically, within the game, you are Almighty (Put your name here) and you have signed the contract with the Patapon Ancients to be leading the Patapon to glory. So how do you do that? Well, remember when i said Patapon sings merry little songs? In truth, they're not merry little songs; they are actually war cries based on YOUR rhythm of the war drum. That's right. You are blessed with the War Drum and you drums your.. well.. drum to command the Patapons to glory. There are four different drums in total (Pon, Pata, Chaka and Don) and six different combination of the four commands the Patapon to attack, move forward, retreat, defend, charge power and summon miracles straight from the heavens. But its not easy (Witness how Almighty Shogi scampers with the drums douchely as he mislead his Patapon army to oblivion). Commanding the Patapons means grooving with the Patapon beat. There are 1,2,3,4 beat to follow everything you drummed a command and while it may still sound easy, the whole screen can be chaotic with the Patapon laying onslaught across everything on screen and you, strategizing for the next strategy while waiting for your cue on the rhythm. Keep drumming and staying on the beat puts the Patapon on Fever mode where they lay even bigger chaos upon those that stands before them. So its all up to you. Stay with the beat, drum the rhythm and your Patapon reigns supreme across the land.
So what do Patapons do? Well, Patapons are at war with the Zigoton. Another clan who are willing to do anything to stop Patapon from reaching Earthend. Patapons and Zigotons live on a legend of something known simply as "IT"" (yes, "it") at the end of the earth. Patapon marched on determination while the Zigoton resist the march on greed (it is believed that Zigoton want to have It all for themselves). Along the road to Earthend, Zigoton will try everything to stop the Patapon; summoning massive army, using onslaught machines, releasing ancient creatures, building defensive fortress and even making a pact with the Devils (which suggestively might be another Almighty for the Zigoton similar to you as the Patapon's Almighty). Along the way, you recover hidden ancient powerful secrets of the Patapons and what "It" might actually be.
In all, the game may seem simple but it does not. only those with the ability to put themselves on trance with the beat are able to command their Patapons with ultimate glory. And behold, Patapon (as the game of the year based on IGN) reveals a battle system more complex than you ever imagine before with storyline full of revealation, madness, greed and deceit as the Patapons lays their faith fully on you to guide them to glory.
Drum the march... Let the war begins...

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Just SMS-ing to say "Hi"

Delaqroux Inc Updates... for the third time today.. pfft.. someone's seriously having a time of his life here isnt he?

Anyways, this is just gonna be a short post as i'm not much in the mood to write stuffs right now. Actually, this is just a lil something that struck me a short while ago. Kinda thinking of posting it as a shoutout on my Facebook profile but i dont think the space provided in the shoutout box will be enough. Anyways, i just looked through all the records of my received SMS and i just found out that i never really get a message from someone simply asking on how am i doing, or just to say hi or something. Nearly 80% of my messages are either those of important business or merely replies to my "how are you doing" questions instead. And the funny addition to that is, nearly 70% of my sent messages are conversation starters. Something that go as complicated as centering on an issue to talk about or simply informing others that i am bored. In other words, i spend most of my credits of messaging someone, merely to ask how he/she is doing, while at the same time, i get none of it from others. Yep, it's like i'm the only one on the whole network going around and saying hi to everybody while none of them doing the same thing when they came across me. Of course, SMS-ing one another can be over-rated if you want to put it that way. I mean, someone once told me that why do you need to pay to talk to someone over long distance when you can do it for free over short distance? Well, i dont really get what she meant by that but that's the whole point of messaging someone to find out how is he/she doing- coz i'm not able to see that other person face to face and here i am actually taking a friggin initiative to actually spend some cents out of my phone credit to find out how that person is doing. Isnt that effing nice of me? And hey, a lil courtesy goes a long way right? So why not?

Do we really need a good reason to start talking with someone?
I think simply saying "hi" and asking how is that person doing is good enough of a reason..
Since when does conversation are only limited to money, important business and the mood to actually talk with one another?

Dude, seriously...

An ESSET to remember

Delaqroux Inc Updates...

It has already been... well.. approximately been around 20 hours since i got back from IPBA yesterday and yeah, i am already feeling the boredom. Of course, i can choose to call someone and end up lepaking with them but i just dont feel like it. Yesterday's emo parting session with Grace was a lil too tiring for me to have another one this soon. So, yep, here i am; writing up another blogpost. There is a whole lot of catching up to do and i have to at least do a lil writing to stop my English from being rusty. Thus, here i go with another update.

Let's start things off with a recap of the predeparture meeting back in ESSET, Kajang. As mentioned in my omnibus post, we figured that its gonna be a gruesome three days stay in some training institute, similar to our previous one week of BTN. Trust me, crappy accomodation, boring activities and a hell lot of listening is enough to bring your mood down for a whole week in Kem Bumi Jati last time. Regardless, the predeparture meeting in ESSET turned out to be quite nice. To start things up, ESSET itself is a nice place. The place is situated in somewhat a secluded area, overlooking a palm estate, a golf course, wide tropic forest and a KTM track. Then again, the reason for such positioning of the facility serves its very own purpose; to seclude the trainees away from hustle and bustle of the city, chill back and relax throughout the seminar. Yep, the facility had an actual lobby that looks welcoming upon our arrival (unlike the time in Bumi Jati camp where we had to wait for nearly 30 minutes under the sun at the assembly area). The registeration process was done in a cinch and none of the staffs on the job actually acted all pissed or anything regardless the fact that it does take some increment of blood pressure to actually herd out COhort 5 students at times. As a matter of fact, they acted pretty proffesional regardless of how kiddy we acted throughout the camp (well, not that kiddy but.. well.. you know).

And here's another highlight regarding ESSET itself; the accomodation. One word, ladies and gentlemen; it's awesome! I have no picture to appear as visual evidence here but i would say the room for two was actually nicer than the budget two-person room in First World Hotel. Its spacious, air-conditioned, equipped with a TV set (like, seriously, a TV set??) and a nice shower with a nice heater. And to describe the physical aspect of the place itself, well, let's just say you googled up some pictures of a hotel room and normally there's the image of comfy two single beds and a lot of dim yellow zen-ish lights around the room (in which when you actually arrive at the hotel room, almost all of those in the pic was a lie) ; let's put it in a way that the rooms in ESSET looks exactly as that image- no trickery, no lies; exactly as a hotel room promo picture.

In anycase, lets stop gawking at the awesomeness of the place now shall we? How bout the activity? Well, sad to say that the line-up of activities are mostly non-interactive talks about how to behave upon our arrival in our respective overseas universities. The speakers are actually quite good in delivering their speeches, only the prob was that all the 8 speakers seem to be saying the same thing over and over. And its all common sense stuff; dont get pregnant, focus on your studies, dont taint the image of Malaysia etc. etc. So yep, everytime i stepped into the (awesome-looking) seminar hall, i just wished i got the worst fever ever so someone can send me back to my room where i can snuggle up underneath the warm comforter... sigh... Ahem.. Aside to those speeches, there are some group activities and due to how boring the speeches are, i tend to look forward to the group activities as well. There isnt much excitement in the activities though. We did some physical game on the first evening (which was the most entertaining than the rest), some group presentation later, and finally, some stupid chicken dance group performance which isnt just appeal extremely meaningless, it also force us to act like douches on stage. It was just one of those moment where you go on a stage, hoping that no one notices you and if there's actually someone who notices you, let it be an assassin with a sniper with a mission to put you out of your misery... with you being the assassin's employer.. Well, you get my point.

Overall, we wished the activity wasnt all cramped up together so that there'll be more time for us to be sleeping in our rooms. I dont mind staying at the place for a week if they will let us have personal time to be spent in the rooms. Sigh... i miss those comforters and the nice shower.... sniff...

Delaqroux commences THE OMNIBUS!

Delaqroux Inc Updates!!!!!! **Glomps laptop**

Yeah, i havent been online since the past... one month but hell, lots of stuff happened that i basically do not know where to start (And as a side note here; i spent around 5 minutes to start this blogpost... hell, my English's getting pretty rusty). In any case, fear not for i shall not post all of them up here, clumped within a single blogpost. Yep, that'll be suicide for the readers and thus, this saviour blogger shall not desire that ever. Hence, he shall begin it with a wee lil something he call

Delaqroux OMNIBUS!!!!
That's right people, tighten your seat belts coz we're gonna go for one hell of an omniride!!!

So basically, i went back to IPBA for the predeparture meeting. Knowing that some of us will be here a lil wee earlier than the rest, i decided to join the "some of us". Yep, a lil lepak-ing before we go for the meeting which will be organized in ESSET (Institut Keselamatan Sosial KWSP... I dunno how the hell it ended up with the abbreviation of ESSET). Eitherways, we figured that the whole thing might end up as another BTN or some governmental brainwash shizzle but, what d hizzle?? It didnt!! Well, the place was like the shizzass!!! Now dont make me start talking about the accomodation. Its gonna take a whole bunch of omnirambles just to describe it. One word; awesomeness! (Yep, will get to it later, no worries) And as an addition; we were actually sad to leave the place after the three days stay. lolz

Then, there were ZOMBIES!!! And no, if there's something about Delaqroux's omnibus is that it doesnt go round the round-a-bouts; we're talking straight jalan sehala (one way street) here. Yeah, no literal speaking- only figurative ones... so yeah, there were ZOMBIES!!!! Well, its partially figurative. Its not really zombies on the march i'm referring to here but its enraged mutant in the latest LAN game hit by Valve: LEFT 4 DEAD!! So yeah, its a multiplayer co-op game where you, yeah, shoot zombies and run like hell and shoot more zombies and run harder like hell. Pretty simple complex, friggin intense gameplay and lots of fun. Anyways, this omnibus practices hit-and-run system so i wont touch long on LEFT 4 DEAD that long.. i'll get into the details later ayte?

"This scene aint about tears, man - its about EMOTIONALITY!!!"

Yep, Kirk Lazarus cant be anymore right-er than that. In fact, the whole last two weeks of me stay was all about emotionality. I mean, there are pretty high number of goodbyes lingering among us right now. As a matter of fact, we will be flying to overseas next month and yeah, guess some of us will not be seeing one another for awhile and guess that hits me in the emo guts too. Well, something that surprises me is the fact that a whole bunch of us will not be seeing one another in the airport during a departure. In other words, A and B are best friends. B will be flying on the 10th and A will be flying on the 18th. However, A will not take the initiative to see B off on the 10th as A rather spend time at home knowing that A's departure will be coming soon and all that is important for A is to spend the last moments at A's home. Well, i'm not against A here or neither am i siding with B. But it is kinda sad. THis is the emotionality that i've been referring to. The kind of mix feeling whether to choose your friend or yourself (and this includes of course, your family). Eitherways, i'm glad to have spent my last (well, not rly "last" actually) moments with some of my bestfriends to the greatest extend. So, as how much as i am feeling awful to be parting with them, i'm just feeling as much gratefulness that i get to be with them up til... well... today as i am now back in Selayang with my family =D

Regardless, i'll get more into the details of each focus of event in later blogpost. Trust me; there's a lot to be blogged about so, yep, i'll catch u guys soon. Thanks for being on the omnibus and have a safe journey home XD

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Too much of nothing unawesome makes awesomeness turns mediocre

Delaqroux Inc Updates.

Today i went for my last visit to Selayang Mall and Selayang Capitol. Got my pair of new glasses ready and i have to go pick up some new shoes (one's a boot and the other for sport n activities) and as usual, i met up a bunch of my schoolmate. Funny that when you're chao-ing somewhere far off and its your last chance to say goodbye, you rather not to. Maybe as you cant handle the feeling.

Regardless, it was a chanced encounter with some of them and everything was okay. We talked for awhile then say goodbye, then i met another one, talked, say goodbye, repeat, repeat and repeat for a couple of times (never know Selayang can be this small sometimes). Everything was good and truth to tell; there is not much to be emotional about saying goodbye to those fella as i'm not really close to them. But then again, when we were talking, i cant help but to answer that i'll be gone to Aussie for two years for all of their "so what are you doing now?" question. I dunno why but it just felt hard to tell the truth. For a few times, i simply replied that i am studying but they will continue on pinning me with questions till i go into the fact that i'm studying TESL.... and i just finished my first year.... and i'll be continuing my studies in overseas for awhile. The responses i received was definitely compliments but they dont make me any happier. I dunno how to say it. Its just that none of them will be doing anything in their studies such as studying abroad so all of them will still be in Malaysia for a couple more years. I'm the only one so far (and Kartheik who's a pilot now) and that kinda makes me feel lonely. Those guys can still have reunions in this oncoming two years and i wont be able to join them. Of course going to study abroad is awesome and all but sometimes, what's the point of awesomeness if i'm the only having it among my friends? I feel kind of an outcast. I feel like I'm an animal from a big herd who finally manages to go on the top of the food chain, only to find out in the end that i'm the one there. The feeling's kinda sucky. I hate being lonely and yeah, i'm the only having this 'awesome' moment of going overseas that it gets nothing but mediocre. Yeah, i feel lonely...

In the end, i ended up saying "there's nothing awesome... i'm just going someplace far, far away for awhile just by myself... there's nothing awesome..."

Bleh....

Thursday, January 1, 2009

01-01-09 REZOLUTIONS!!!

Delaqroux Inc Updates Live for the first time in 2009!!!!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~!!!!!!
Okay, so that exclamation does not make much sense does it now? In any case, yep, its the first day of 2009 and though there isnt much to blogged about the occurences of the day, lets talk about something which is cliche in the oncoming of a new year; resolutions (pfft.. again with resolution... yawns).
Aha! Yawn as you may but imma talk about something a lil different here. No, i'm not gonna make a list down of nonsical resolutions (like learning how to swim for example- anyone knows i can never learn how to swim) but what i am going to talk about now is regarding the two types of resolutions in which i shall refer to positive resolution and negative resolution. No, negative resolutions arent things like "I want to rob more banks this year" or "I want to be more pissed this year"- those fall under the nonsical category. What i meant by negative resolution is your standard resolutions. Yes, the one that you have been making year to year such as "I want to lose weight", "I want to save more money", "I want to work harder" etc. Of course these resolutions bring positive outcomes. You lose more weight and you will look good, that's good, obviously. In fact, you want to work harder and you might earn better grades, that is good. But the thing is, why start your new year with being so hard on yourself? If you rewind everything back to the first year that you decided to make resolutions; all those resolutions that we make up until now has mostly been "I want to be somebody else". Most of our resolutions are centered on the feel of self-loathing. So why start a year in such way?

Of course, there's always the saying "out with the old and in with the new" and imperfectness has to be perfected. I agree. But sometimes, imperfectness is the element that actually makes you happy. So here we come to the second category, the positive resolutions. I read in http://thegoldenpuppy.blogspot.com/ earlier that the blogger's little nephew made a simple resolution of "I want to eat more cakes". This may seem to fall into the category of nonsical resolution in a way but if you take time to analyze resolutions such as this, we can see the foundation of that resolution is that the child wishes to be more 'herself' this year. Well, she likes cakes and that is her personality. Making a resolutioon to eat more cakes, meaning to go along with her own personality and that would make her happy (and thus, a better positive outcome). Now that aint so nonsical now is it? I can make a resolution such as "I want to like everyone " instead of "I want to be more popular". They seem to aim on the same objective but wanting to like everyone means that you want to emphasize your own personality of being a sociable person (the only reason of you making such resolution definitely because you like socializing in the first place right?). I call that being more of a yourself. However, if you want to be more popular, you're deeming yourself to be an unpopular person. In such way you're actually putting an extra stress on yourself as that resolution is not about who you need to be, its about who you want to be. You need to be yourself because you must. You need to be somebody else because you want to. See the difference?



Its pretty simple actually. Instead of going for "I want to lose weight this year" go for "I want to spend more time with my friend in gyms and exercising". Both of the aim is to lose weight. But the by going for the positive resolution, you're choosing a procedure which involves no self loathing. If you make the negative resolution simply of "I want to lose weight this year", you might end up starving yourself, going to the gym alone and in the end, still not feeling good about yourself. If you choose the other one, you will end up in gyms and exercising along with your friends. You will get along with your friends better, you will feel better about yourself and you still lose weight and that is a better outcome. So the point is, you dont need to lose weight but you need to get along with your friends, right? So set "getting along better with your friends" as the prior objective and "losing weight" as the second. You'll reap both of the benefits.

Here is another example, there is such resolution as "I want to go wild(or maybe wilder) this year" and of course, by being "wild" here, it means the person want to have more fun this year. So does this fall under positive resolutions or negative? The answer will have to be a negative resolution. By being wild, you're aiming for activities that involves you immersed in the "wild" culture, perhaps going clubbing, drinking, coming back late at night and partying. Aside to these kind of activities might get yourself ending up with more problem in your hands than the fun, you might also settle up doing things that you dont actually enjoy doing; but you forcefully claim that its fun because other people say so. Putting that aside, why not make a resolution that goes "I want spend more time doing things i like this year". Yeah, that aims for having more fun this year as well. You might end up simply spending more time to read books, or surf the net or be more active in a particular community club but this are the things that gives you the actual fun you're looking for. Other people may say it doesnt but you do! And that counts the most.

So here's a list down of my resolution this year. They may not all be positive ones but i try to make it so. The one in red is the positive resolution i am making, the ones in blue is how that resolution could have been a negative one
1. I want to make ppl around me happy (making ppl happy makes me happy. No self-loathe there and a resolution that helps yourself by helping others, isnt that good?)
2. I want to learn a whole lot of new stuff (i love learning new stuff. Not necessarily i have to master them but it just makes me happy to learn new stuff. No self loathing)
3. I want to be an easy-to-work-with person (Again, that makes people around me happy and that will result to me being happy as well and it helps in my studies in such way)
4. I want to involve more in English literature and arts & design (I love both of those and i want to be immersed even more within the stream. I am still going for what i like)
5. I want to spend money for things that i want to (And that means a PS3 and more electronic gadgets for meself :p This resolution may make me strive to save money at the same time and earn it big time as well, not bad eh?)
6. I want to see places and meet different people (I enjoy travelling and socializing. And i might finally find what the answer to this question of mine i'm having since long time ago by meeting a whole different scope of ppl. Still going for what i like and i get more experience out of it)
7. I want love more and hate less (ohkaaay.. this is actually a subtitute of last year's "i want to have a girlfriend". But this time, i go for making ppl around me happy by letting them know that i care for them. That will make me happy, no hatred put me at an ease of mind and i might still end myself up getting a girlfriend at the end of the day so, why not? :p)
8. I want to say "yes" more than i say "no" to opportunities (a lil self loathe as i do regret missing alot of chances last year. But then again, i want to grab more chances in every windows of opportunities around me and i'm not hating myself for this, i'm going all-out and i like that)
9. I want to appear more as myself and do what i want to do (abit of self loathing coz i deemed myself to not be able to be more expressive. But now, i'm making a resolution against that feel of self-loathe and that is good)
10. uh... CLASSIFIED unfortunately. haha ^^" but it involves in repairing broken relationships so that aint a bad thing, right right? =D