Just keep running, John

Delaqroux Inc Update
Feeling that dark, emo-ish streak at the moment. Why not use em for some poetry writing?
After all, i scored a credit for ENGL201 and if there's one thing i learned from that subject is that emo writers produce good writings. Why not hop on the bandwagon, sneak in, wait for your moment. And run for it?

An infinite alleyway
A narrow path
An escape
Southwards it points
To nothingness it brings me
Abyss
Such a pleasure
Just keep running, John.

An autumn forest
Thorns hidden
beneath the thick
Layer of dead, dried leaves
Shrill shriek when trodden
Ignore them
Hum a tune
Just keep running, John.

A dense space
Of darkness
Of black night sky
Southern-cross stars
Pointing northwards
Mislead the misguided

But who gives a fuck?
Just keep running,
John.

Dark A. Delaqroux
“Just keep running, John”
August 11^th, 2010 – 2.39am

Cam-whore? More like, cam-zombies

Delaqroux Inc Updates!

And i just got back from my holidays, like WHOOOOOO, and i made some observation. Mainly at tourists and how they behave with their cams and photogenic attitude. Now, they do say that a picture contains a thousand words and unless they're referring to that 100010001000010001 in literally everything in the Matrix movies being words rather than numbers, well, no, a picture does not necessarily paints a thousand. Sometimes it paints only four and for the most case of it is "i made this up". Yeah, sometimes, the picture that we took, it's at its best saying nothing at all.

Shots with strangers

We do this and we do it alot. Why? Coz when we're somewhere far, far away, we want to make believe that we are living far, far away as well with actual breathing people and with real stories. But we have none of them and we dont go around with real living, breathing people. But instead, we are nothing but zombies calling out of the living to give us their brains - coz we have none. So we take photos with strangers. I find people who do this highly annoying. Come on. You dont know them. All you can do is point at those strangers in those photos and said, "I was in Australia". Justifying that, you have photos with Australians. But do you have stories that involve both you and them? Do you know those people? Or do you take photos to tell people that you're in overseas but in fact, you're living in a small shell Malays call tempurung. So, no, you dont. Lame. Stop being a with-strangers-cam-zombie.

Shots with kids.

People do this and they do it alot. Hell alot. Mostly occurs to people who likes kids or they're expected to be with kids and they want to evoke that "awwww" factor that suggest that you're a child person. Well, no, in truth, you dont. First of all, taking pics with random kids is very, very unhealthy. Remember how mom used to say "dont talk with strangers coz strangers are bad people who kidnaps you and sells you in the market?" Well, 15 years ahead in time and you're the kidnapping strangers who talk with kids and want to take photos with them. Dont. Kids condition things. Not all strangers are nice and take photos with you. Some strangers are real kidnappers. Dont suggest to kids that kidnappers dont exist. Stop being a child-'loving'-cam-zombie.

Shots with backgrounds

No one can take photos without background so, yes, we do this, and we do it a hell-of-a-lot lot. But that's fine obviously. We cant help to take pics with a particular background but can we help to know what the background is about? Yeah, before you take photos to show people that you've a been-there-done-that shot-zombie, know what the background is about. Picture this (pun intended); you're in some country and you take photos of yourself looking comical when the background is something of a respectful momento. Like a soldiers memorial. Take a photo of yourself star-jumping in front of a soldier's name plague who was commemorated for dying in a war and that the family never saw him again after he walked out that door, being called to war - instant classic, scenic-cam zombie.

So, people, pictures can be deceiving. It makes you look pretty but in truth, you might be an idiot. It might paints some story, but in truth its just you pretending that things actually happen. It makes you look caring and adorable but in truth, you dont give much pluck about what you're taking picture with. So, venturing out into the horizon does not mean that you bring along your cam companion and be a cam-zombie. Cam-whores are self-obsessed people who took a photo 80% of themselves. But at least, they DONT give a damn about the world around. Cam-zombies take photos of things around them and PRETEND they give a damn about the world in their shots. Just be a cam-whore. It's healthier.

The cursing kid on Killzone

Delaqroux Inc Updates.

for those who dont know what Killzone is, it's a shooting game on playstation 3 and it's about interplanetary human wars somewhen in the distant future (sigh... XXX years in the future and it's still humans waging war against each other... classic..). So, i'm not sure how should i be explaining the game for my readers out here but let's just say, there's the goodie-goodie interplanetary peace-keeping force on one team and then there's the oppressed guys in gasmask on the other team. There's more depth to the gameplay and stuff of course but if you duke it out online, you'll play with 31 other human players from all over the world and you blast on the rival team. Simple. Which team was I on? Well, the guys in gasmask with glowing red goggles of course. Come on. You know me. I hate virtual peace. Virtual chaos all the way.

So, i was playing and playing. Pretty much minding my own business until this one point, i'm racking up pretty good killing streak and staying alive all the way. But that's not the point of the story. Okay, so my internet connection isnt always good (most often it's so-so) but for some reason today, the internet is almost perfect that you can hear the online chatter super clearly (they're the players speaking through the game mic - kinda like online voice chat during plays). Kinda wish i have a mic... I wanna talk! <-- this is an inside joke. sorry.

So, i was hearing all those people talking while they're playing, screaming all the way, laughing, passing commands, talking about strategies, and pretty much things i dont really get - all in all sorts of accents and slangs. In one point, i thought it was pretty cool. Here we are, blasting each other with guns and grenades like it's actual personal when the people playing are from all over the world connected with the single uniting idea - the love of playing games. It was almost touching. But then, i noticed a voice of a kid saying things which makes us all think, "does this kid actually knows what he is saying?"

So, yeah, apparently, most of the voices sound adult-ish's. But this one kid, due to the fact that he obviously sounds like a kid, make his voice stand out from the rest. But that's not all that stood out from the rest. This kid was throwing out curses like... i dunno... One-word curses for me is pretty much normal and i suppose they are accessible to all ages but this kid, he knows the average of five to nine word curses. For example; (under-age readers; cue for you to scroll down and ignore this line) something something "wtf... you shit-fag-gay-ass-gay-retard-n00b" something something something. Yeah, true story. And that's just one that i recognize. I heard some whole lot of it and i, for a moment, was like "wait... whuuuud?" and "dude, give piece a chance". And then there's this one point he was wailing and cursing for God-only-knows what reasons that there was some crashing sound on his line (I assume he was repeatedly shot at and he got angry and threw something - probably his headset). And i thought this was normal for people to curse and go on flame wars so i kept quiet (and i dont have a mic anyway) but at this one point, there was this British guy who totally got pissed off and told that kid to shut up (he has a British-ish accent, i think). Well, the kid didnt. He blew out awhole lot more.

Pretty much the main idea that crossed my mind is; who taught this kid all this? Well, of course, i assume that the kid love games and well, let's just say, characters in games do curse alot - pretty much of an observational learning might have taken place. But shouldnt someone watch what this kid is playing and how this kid is playing them? And that reminds me of a ladyfriend of mine's kid she's babysitting and the kid's just 4 or 5 years old, and he came back from school one day saying that he heard another kid said "fuck". Where the hell does that other kid learned that word from? In fact,the first kid even use it himself thinking it wasnt that bad of a word. And then, there was that indonesian kid on youtube who smokes and he's barely in school yet. Then, there was some news of some kid doing his female friend (yes, "doing", you know what i mean) and they are all in flippin primary school! Seriously! Kids these days?

So, as closing words; i do curse. I love cursing and not just your typical one-word curses, i curse in the system of word chain and terrible, terrible things are said. I dont drop f-bombs though. F-bombs are for kindies cursers. I cursed about moms, and interlinked parts of human body, and innappropriate entities which exist only to be use as insults. I have got myself totally pissed and i cursed without knowing whatever that is that i have said but they are definitely hurtful. And i have friends who curse too. Some curse appropriately, in which i do too for the most cases (eheh... at least, i think i do), but some other just simply throw those words around without thinking. Several times, i've seen them cursing in front of their kids, both unintentionally and intentionally (thinking their kids are too young to understand what they are saying). But seriously, i guess they are hurtful words and things that hurt, unless they are virtually hurtful like blasting someone on Killzone Online, are bad - especially for kids... so please, tone down the bad words please. Dont curse just so you think you'll look cool doing it. Lay it off unless you do need it for anger/stress management or something. Or pretty much, dont curse at all.

After all, you kiss your mother with that *h***y-c**-g*****ing-***r*'s-**n*-****ing-***k-s****d mouth of yours? :p

How Creative is Creative?

Delaqroux inc Updates!

How do we measure creativity? Okay, so that was random wasnt it? Well, this is the thing that i've been pondering since day one of my enrolment to Macq Uni's ENGL201: Intro to Creative Writing class. We have weekly seminars in which, from what it says in the unit outline, i figured it's gonna be fun coz we'll be doing writing workshops every week (workshops are practically sessions where you have people reading out their writing for the week and other people give their feedbacks on them). But after a couple of workshop sessions, i've come up with this question; how do you measure creativity?

There was this Australian girl in my classroom who came up with this writing about her 'other' self. People liked it. I thought it was boring. I mean seriously; "who is that in my room?", "why is she crying?", "how come she looks so familiar?". Well, friggin OBVIOUSLY, she's you in mirror. I figured that out on the first 10 seconds of her reading (though, of course, i didnt say anything). Everyone else claimed that, after she finished reading, that it was the best writing ever. One guy, not sure whether he was trying to hit on the girl or what, straight ahead claimed that he had no idea that the writer was talking about her own reflection. Wait, i figured that out before the first paragraph even manage to come to an end. So, we're having conflicting opinions here. Everyone, including the lecturer thought it was creative. I thought it was predictable. I dont want to call a writing in which i can predict what will be going on after reading the first line as being uncreative so i just kept my opinion to my own self and, like others, claimed that it was a good writing. It was a good writing after all. Just slightly too predictable for me. But, yeah, let's skip ahead to a couple weeks of workshops.

There was this another girl who shared a really emotional poem. And then there was this another short poem about self-discovery which was never found. And then they were a few more others of almost the same kind of mood. Everybody loves them though i am starting to fast lose my interest in listening to their works. I dont know why but people tend to associate creative writing as some kind of sad self-loathing pieces of writing work. Poems have to be sad and emotional and one liners. Essays have to be about not being able to uncover your inner self. Writings are about being self-loathing and talking about things that you cannot get or be. Seriously, what the hell? Finally, there was this one lady who is not of Australian origin who wrote a poem about her family in rhymes. The fact that her English wasnt that good didnt stop me from thinking that her poem is nice. Something happy and positive for a change. I mean, it's about her family; her husband and son and herself - what is there not to like? I find that she enjoyed doing it. I thought she really put herself in the poem. Well, everybody hates it. The lecturer said the rhymes were out of place and some lines were unnecessary. Everybody else hardly commented anything on it. During the feedback session, everyone just pretend they're not in the class. Seriously.

Then, during this another workshop, another friend of mine wrote a short story on gender stereotypes in an Indian family. I thought it was brilliant. Others didnt comment on it. The lecturer said that the whole introduction paragraph was unnecessary. She said; go straight to the point so that your readers dont lose interest. She said; there was too much details and the word choices overlaps one another (apparently, you cant say things "illuminous, bright lights" coz illuminious and bright means the same thing). I thought the first paragraph was as necessary as the whole writing itself. So I said; what the hell?! Since when does creative writing has to be constrained by what the readers want or do not want to read em? I thought writing creativelywas about expressing yourself, creating the mood, bringing your message across, writing like you mean it. But cut out a paragraph coz long, winded paragraph about the setting of the storyline will bore the readers out? Since when did i sign up for being a publisher in a teen manuscript publishing company?

Finally, the moment of truth finally came (Double "finally" there. Sorry :p). It was my turn to present something. I chose my best writing; a poem with rhymes in it and it talks about my philosophical idea of questioning people's mentality. To tell you the truth; it sounds abit hippie-ish, but still, i thought it was my best work. I loved it. But i guess those people are as predictable as some write up about yourself in the mirror. Coz they hated it. Their comment was hardly meaningful. The lecturer said i did a stupid move by writing in rhymes coz writing in rhymes are hard and you shouldnt do it. Yes, i know writing in rhymes are hard but i thought i sign up to this course coz i want to improve my writing. If my attempt to try something risky is replied with a comment " dont try risky things", then how am i to improve my writing? After some reflecting, i realized no one else tried writing in rhymes. Their poems are mainly one-liners which doesnt contain any rhyme - just sad tones. So those writing reflect a true attempt in writing creatively but mine doesnt? So those poems are creative and mine isnt? Is that it?

And about lines in creative writings being unnecessary or too beating-around-the-bushes-like, how do creative writings differ than formal writings then? I thought Stephen King wrote his novels with a hell lot of sentences just to describe one thing super-small but that is his style. Shakespeare wrote reference to the Phoebus and Errebhus and Arthemist in his writing and does that mean that guy is just beating around the bush? I heard people complaining about Watchmen and Fight Club to have a really slow pace in its storyline narration - shall we tell the author to speed things up abit so they dont lose their readers' interest? And i know i normally cite this source for all the negative reasons but personally, i thought Stephanie Mayer's Twilight is slow as hell and it was not realistic at all. But people liked it. People liked her style. As a reader, i can comment but i cant change the fact that Twilight is Twilight. No. That is just how those authors' style are! And if you dont want to call them of being creative, then call them boring in front of the thousands of fans who says that their writings are awesome. And if i am going to write my poem starting with the first line "I like candies" and the second line "I like to fuck", and the following lines is the word "quack.... quack.... quack...." then no one should be able to stop me. Coz there is hidden annotation in both of those lines and if you dont get it; then you're the one not being to think beyond the text, arent you? SInce when does creative writing has to be readers-oriented? I am writing my own piece of work here so if being creative means that my reader couldnt understand what i am writing about, so be it!

So here's my final say for the evaluation to my ENGL201 Unit. I hate it.

Play Feed the Head. People call the game shitty. I call that creative.

Of Newtown and Demon Jacket

Delaqroux Inc Updates!

If there is one place worth checking out while you're in Sydney, it'll be New town! Yep, it's New town. They sell old stuff and old stuff are cheap. Cheap stuff are good and good, cheap stuff might have demons inside. Yeah, demons.

I was in Newtown the other day, browsing the streets when I came across this shop called Vinnies. Innocently, i thought Vinnies stands for "vintage" and that probably the shop owner is a chinese girl acting cute and calling everything they own with the suffix "-ie" (Sorry Nancie, calling your laptop lappie dont make it be no puppie... damn, i rap bitchIEz!). Anyways, it turned out that Vinnies stands for St Vincent and it's a secondhand clothing (and some random odds and ends) shop that sells things which are donated by people of the church.. probably. So yeah, note for all shopaholics out there; if you love to buy stuff and yet you feel guilty spending your money, go shop in charity shops coz every dollar you spend on unnecessary clothings pieces and creepy looking teddies will go for charity. And trust me, when you're in that kind of place (unless you're a hygienic fella who wouldnt want to wear second hand stuffs), you tend to want everything coz everything is cheap and you're spending money like it's actually someone's business! Who says Greed cant be good?

And, yeah, if you're looking for suits, that place have a hell lot of em. Probably some Italian mafia group decided to turn some good leaves that they all donated their suits to charity. Hmmm...

So, back to the demon story. There was two things that caught my eye in that shop. One, is the unusually cute girl inside that shop who was suspiciously interested in this thingy that curls your hair up. Second, is this really awesome looking, leather jacket. Not the black, light reflecting kind of leather jacket, but one that you can actually feel its softness. It's not fuzzy or like but yeah, it feels leather-ish - like you're touching the skin of a horse. Regardless, i thought a jacket that awesome would cost a fortune that i ended up ignoring it. But later on, i saw another almost as awesome jacket with the price tag of 15 dollars (that right! 15 dollars!) and what did i do? No, i didnt buy it. I went back to the previous awesome leather jacket. And the price tag says 40 dollars. Now, kids, 40 dollars would cost this guy a week worth of spending and i am a very cheapskate guy. But a jacket that awesome, you just gotta bought it even if the price tag says 40.

So, i bought that awesome jacket (and determined to fast for the whole next week) and immediately as i bought it, i put it on. Now, i dont do this at all. This is entirely NOT me. I dont buy things and immediately wear them unless they're really kickass or my current clothing is wet but this awesome jacket, my friend, as instantly as it gets on me, it is as exactly how beyond awesome it is. Anyways, there i got myself an awesome jacket and i call it "awesome jacket"

Regardless, i have realized something unusual about this jacket. I tend to put it on for absolutely no reason, even when i least expect it. And when i do, i went in front of a mirror and look at myself and i hear someone whispering in my hear "Weaaaaarrrr meeeeee.....". Okay, so all those whispering is a figure of speech but seriously, i just kept getting hypnotized to wear that jacket, go in front of the mirror, look at myself, touch its ridiculously comfy texture, snap back to reality, and put it back into the closet... only to repeat it a few hours later. One time, i thought it was just the jacket's awesome aura but now, i'm starting to think that the jacket has some kind of demon encrypted within it. Not the bad demon though - an awesome one (coz you know, the jacket is still awesome regardless).

Anyways, maybe this has happened to everyone else who have just bought something awesome to wear. But if you ended up constantly wearing it for absolutely no reason but to look yourself in the mirror, then i think your wear might be demon possessed too. Til then, if you see me out with an awesome jacket, that might not be me. That, my friends, might be the awesome demon finally have able to take over me.

Reappear with some loads of Randomness

Delaqroux Inc Updates...

Jeez.. it's been ages since i last said that. Guess many moons have passed since i actually posted something to my own blog (i went with the direct translation of "moons" being "bulan" - not "nights".so yeah, so many months have passed :p) What happened was that i have been really really busy with.... wait.... uh... what was i busy with again?

So let's just have a quick recap of what have been happening so far.

First of all, i have cut my hair! Voila. No hairo supremo! And not just a haircut - a complete shave, baby! Right clean outta my skin, bitch3zzz.... sob... sob... i missed my old hair... "Then, why did i go for the shave?" Well, coz it's the World's Greatest Shave day yet again. For those who doesnt know what day this is, no, it's a not a day where people who are awesome shave their hair (well, half of that is true for my case, i suppose) but it's a charity thingy where a corporate organization will organize a hair shave or colour campaign for the public. And for every member of the public going for the shave, they will designate a particular amount for money for the leukemia foundation. So, it's fairly easy coz you dont have to pay anything but you just gotta be brave and shave. Trust me; to have all your hair shaved off - it's really depressing. But to be diagnosed with leukemia and having your hair shaved off as well - imagine how depressing would that be like. Plus, i kinda have this acquaintance of mine who has just been hospitalized for L. I dont really know her that well but it's still excruciating knowing someone you know is sick. So, yeah, Stephanie, hope you're getting well right this moment as we speak =)

Aaanyways, what else? Uh.... well, i'm also currently in charge of script writing for MGM. That stands for Malam Gema Malaysia (event name subject to change) and yeah, it's basically a night where Malaysian in Sydney gather in commemoration of the Malaysian Day (it's used to be of the independence day instead but we thought of a new twist of 1Malaysia this year =) and people watch a musical that the MGM committee put. And trust me; with our new line of committee and our superb planning; it's gonna be legend... wait for it.... oh, yeah, i'm addicted to How I Met Your Mother. Good show. Putting that aside however, the storyline i'm assigned to write the script to is... well... quite a melancholic storyline. For someone who loves randomness and happy things (side note; for my life assignment; i wrote about being an English teacher in a zombie apocalyptic world... hah! =D), i hate having sad thoughts (oh, another side note; i'm currently staying free of the emo image now - being emotional sucks balls - let's stick with chaos and destruction; they're the happier stuffs! :3) and yeah, writing the script is super hard coz well, you cant be too happy to write a sad script down. Yet, you cant be too sad or you'll end up writing the script on your wrist witha penknife and blood. Ergh...

Oh and random thoughts, i met this girl back in IPBA 2007, i think she's really cute and considerably hot in Malay girl scaling system but i seriously think her boyfriend's a major douchebag... worse than a douchebag! His boyfriend's a dick! Wait, even better; he's a douchedick. There! I've finally friggin blog about you! Not mentioning names here but, Fucking Bryant, you know who you are! And i want you to die a slow painful death!

Okay, okay, what eeeeelse.... I finished Killzone2, i moved out of MUV to a really awesome garage-bedroom, I finished 20 out of 100 of the Australian must-do list, I'm having this sore-throat and somehow i think it has something to do with a steam-emitting train, a cockatoo, Szechuan chicken and Melbourne (yesh, i revisited Melbourne last hols.. whaaduuupp!!), I've met your mother, I'm addicted to Timbaland yet again with "If we ever meet again) and... Oh, another good one. Just recently, we had the fellas from Welli and Auckland over to Sydney! Yayness! And..... well... yyeah... that's it. What else? Uh.... You know how funny it is when you think about blogging so many randomness and when you actually blogging, nothing pops out of your head? I guess that's all about it. Will keep you uploaded. And please, if you're actually reading this, please consider this; when you meet fucking Bryan, show him the middle finger please... it's for the good of mankind. Or just kill him for me. Better.

Til then, this is

Dark A. Delaqroux

signing out! =)

Double Life

Delaqroux Inc Updates.

Why do i have "John Smith" as my username on Facebook? Well, the truth isjust as i have explained beforehand, it was just out of curiosity on whether is it possible to have your name changed on facebook. Couldnt think of anything else to replace my current username so i put in John Smith. Turned out that it is possible and i am just lazy to change it back to my previous one. The figuratively-speaking kind of answer is that John Smith have almost the same implication as John Doe, someone of the male gender who's true identity is unknown both to the public and sometimes even to himself. So yeah, I am John Smith, i live a lot of different lives, and in some points in time, i have no idea who i actually am.

There's many version of my life and just thinking about it make my heart pound in a very uncomfortable way and my gut feeling like going inside-out. When the thought comes, normally i take a deep breath and try to think of something else. But at times, it just comes so fast that i immediately force myself to immediately terminate those thoughts. And trust me; at first it feels uncomfortable, shifting a thought so fast. Later on, it hurts, literally. And again, trust me; writing this down is really painful. And what hurts the most is when i cant let everyone know what kind of multiple lives i'm having and i dont even have a standardized lie - there was never one.

I like exploring different things in life, go to places people never even dreamed off, love things that other claims forbidden and think of things in ways that others dont. And to sum it up, things that i do, did, love, hate, believe etc. normally does not go along well with the society's mainstream of cynical and not to mention, not-that-supportive thoughts. So when it comes to a simple question like "what are you planning to do tomorrow" or "what are you up to", i cant give out an honest answer. If i tell you "i dont know", chances are that i am lying to you and i'm truly sorry for that but i simply cant tell you the truth.

They say that a lie lead to another and the chain goes on and on. But for my case, as much as i wish to break it off, i cant. The chain of lies been protecting me. Tried breaking it off a couple of times before and letting the real me breathe real air for once. As a result, I had me under some stupid counselling session for some bizarro reason and in one case, the left side of my forehead bleeding and in another, almost had a family torn apart in front of me (and the family wasnt even mine - that's the worst part). Oh, and speaking of tearing families apart - one hidden life of mine will break another family apart if i let the truth exposed. Scary isnt it? So if you had experienced what i have, you might be conditioned to keep the lies flowing on and on. It's like putting a real ugly mask on your face to protect an even uglier face and soon you start to forget how you actually look like under the mask and at some point, you find it suffocating you.

Hiding it suffocates you. But denying it impales you. Just recently, i have been laughing and joking around alot. Mainly coz i have to interact with people around and i simply cant have them see the real me. It was nice to force yourself to forget your own problems every now and then and laugh like you have no care in the world. I dont deny that it makes me happy and keeps me alive for another day. But now that i am here in my room again, i'm back to square one with those problem in my head and those laughters i had seems super far away. Maybe i'll try and meet and interact with people again tomorrow. Dont think having a couple more days of denial will hurt. Well, at least, dont think it will hurt that bad.

So, yeah, here i am.
Yours untruthfully